January 2006


This appears to be some kind of blog post.

My literary pet peeve lately has been the use of “some kind of”. Here is an example from the X-Files: “What is that?” “It appears to be some kind of storage facility.” The reason its annoying is because it pompously suggests that the speaker is very knowledgeable when it comes to storage facilities. So knowledgeable […]

adventures – alice – anxiously – asleep

I love me some cool T-Shirts. Maybe if you are lucky and real good little blog readers I’ll post a list of some very cool places to get T-Shirts online. But for now, here is a new company that will analyze a blog for you, create a word-cloud (like del.icio.us), and put it on a […]

I wish I was a catfish

One of my favorite bands was in town last night: Foghorn String Band. They are originally from Portland, Oregon which is cool because I have several friends living out there now, so I can plan a visit around a show. Closing up was the Wilders, who another one of those ruckus-raising power country bands. The […]

We’re here today to talk about printing costs

One hour of my workday yesterday was spent NOT in a meeting. I thought I was going crazy. I even went to the exact same meeting twice in a row. When you are trapped in a boring meeting, you can always space out, but it’s nicer to get a good daydream going. Here is some […]

Digital Pet, Yo-Yo, MP3 Player, & Secret Lover

What do an outdated toy, an outdated fad, and an crappy MP3 player have in common? They are all the same thing, at least in this case. I wish I was at the meeting where this thing was thought up. I bet this is how it went down: Struggling Low-Level Japanese Businessman: “Sir, the kids […]

Irrefutable Proof (Lion Jesus wins)

Corey over at Life and Sins of a Human has expanded my thinking on the Lion Jesus vrs. Regular Jesus issue. Here are the big differences: Lion Jesus has a mane; Regular Jesus has a beard (which isn’t near as hard to grow on your face). Lion Jesus eats gazelle; Regular Jesus ate himself at […]

For pissing in the wind!

It’s always something isn’t it? Here are some things it could be: Have a stank snatch. (via Black Glenn) Haven’t gotten W2 from shitty unorganized pizza company you worked for in Jan. ’05 House doesn’t smell enough like fresh laundry. (via Lifehacker) Just bought RAZR V3c, and found out V3x is coming and is way […]

It seems I have inadvertently eaten some mermaid flesh.

You see, I have inadvertently eaten some mermaid flesh. Five hundred years ago I was wandering around one day when an old man offered me some mermaid flesh to eat so I accepted it and ate the mermaid flesh. I did not know it was mermaid flesh at the time. When you eat mermaid flesh […]

This is some preeemo shit, dude.

I know it’s the cool thing to do lately to hate hippies. But let it be known, I’ve been hating hippies since long before it was cool, and I even used to be one (or at least I thought I was). Allow me to present some of my research: 1. Attitude “Make love, not war.” […]

The Rising Cost of Gas -or- The Freshmaker Takes On New Meaning

Man alive. I’ve had super bad gas the last couple days. Very unusual for me, especially at this “really shouldn’t leave the house” level. Jackson Gastroentology reports these foods as contributors to gas: Legumes: Especially dried beans and peas, baked beans, soy beans, lima beans Milk Products: Milk, ice cream, cheese Vegetables: Cabbage, broccoli, Brussels […]

Isn’t she a beautiful pride?

We all know that: Bitch-slaps obliterate pride Newton tells us that every action must have an equal and opposite reaction The closest opposite action to a bitch-slap would HAVE TO be a high-five. Be it resolved then, that if bitch-slaps obliterate pride: High-fives MUST give or transmit pride. The person below is clearly pointing out […]

Salvador Dali vrs. Salvia Divinorum

Very similar names, and they both make you see melting clocks. I took a big hit of the latter this weekend and these things happened: Felt very light headed Lost all balance Earth’s Gravity Changed Fell on floor giggling like a schoolgirl The TV started mocking me Tried to stand up and fell Threw dirty […]

MacWorld SF

Laaaame. The new laptops are nice products, but “MacBook”? pff. That name just doesn’t sit right with me. I guess I’ll just have to get used to it. Would have been nice if they supported an HD resolution also. Here are the products that they SHOULD have released: a 42″ and 50″ Apple Plasma. 1080p […]


Cor Blimey! It’s always something isn’t it? Here are some things it could be: Screwed up the first number on your daily Su-Do-Ku puzzle Can’t keep flies off face in last seconds of life Got outbid at last second on sweet new 50″ plasma Over-the-counter dandruff shampoo isn’t cutting it Didn’t cut deep enough Made […]

A Scanner Darkly

There is a new Keanu Reeves movie coming out (trailer: A Scanner Darkly). It seems it’s going to be in the visual style of ‘A Waking Life’ (only probably a little higher budget) and with the Reeves-Requisite of cheezy sci-fi (see Johnny Mnemonic, Matrix, Chain Reaction….). Am I going to hate it? Already do. Am […]


Why buy used when you can buy a Kia? I dunno, here are some pretty good reasons: Kias are pieces of shit Kias are ugly as shit Kias have shit for resale value New Kias don’t have even close to the safety and reliability ratings that even 5-year old Honda’s have You aren’t going to […]

10 Funniest Cartoons Ever

There seems to be some confusion on this issue, so I’m here to smack the mallet and let it be known. Without further delay, Here are the funniest shows ever, 10 being the funniest: American Dad It’s still pretty new, so it really could go up or down. It’s had some damn funny episodes though. […]

The Future

I drove a friend to the bus station today. He’s taking the bus down to Chicago and hopping a plane to Portland where he’ll be living for a while. It gets me to thinking how far the future is away. In this huge trip, there isn’t even the use of one single flying car. I […]

Push Pins

Everybody’s got ’em. Here are the different colors of push pins I have in my push pin tin: Yellow Clear Red Blue Red Clear Red Light Blue Silver Purple Dark Blue Here are some colors for push pins that aren’t stupid: White Black

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