Don’t Piss in my Backyard

I just caught a guy from NW Natural, the gas company in Portland, pissing in my closed-gate backyard. I saw a strange person walk the window so I thought I’d investigate. There is nothing back there but my car, it’s all fenced in. So I open the door and hear the back gate swing open. I bust back there here the guy is, dick in hand, pissing in my back yard.

Now it’s just a little piss right, we have a dog and it pisses back there all the time. No real harm done. But my back yard isn’t the world’s fucking public toilet, you know? And the gate was CLOSED. It also happens it was the SAME GUY who pounded on our door at 7am a few weeks ago. It was incredibly bizarre. He said he was from the gas company, and he was installing gas lines around here, but then didn’t have any particular questions for me and didn’t need to get into my house.

I’m gonna let it slide this time, gas man, but three strikes and you are out. I doubt your boss would like to hear about your trespassing and public urination.

12 responses to “Don’t Piss in my Backyard”

  1. Paul Davis says:

    HA! Saw this on Twitter first, and knew you’d blog about it.

    Let’s hope he sees this. :P

  2. Greg H says:

    No way you let this slide. I would call the gas company right now and report him. That’s friggin’ b.s.!

  3. Chris Gedrim says:

    I agree with Greg, banging on the door at 7am is annoying, however I guess he was letting everyone know so they didn’t all call up saying “I smell gas!”, but pissing in your yard? That’s just nasty and wrong!

  4. roirizla says:

    mwahahahaha!
    this takes me back to when, as a child, I witnessed a which doctor walk right up to our back door, squated on the “welcome mat” and took a wizzer. How do I know she was a which doctor? She hexed me when I told her to piss off :)
    Everytime I see a welcome mat, I want to take a pisser myself.

    Maybe your gas guy is suffering from the effects of inhaling gas?

  5. Tim Wright says:

    Holy shit that’s awesome. Paint ball gun man… paint ball gun

  6. Nathan says:

    That is just plain wrong. I would have gone up to the guy, told his to get the hell of my lawn and called the cops for trespassing. People like that should be blown off the face of the earth

  7. Jeff says:

    Wow, some people. Reminds me of the time back during this past summer when a guy from the store next door come onto my lot and stole … a bunch of sticks.

  8. TravisV says:

    Man … if he went from knocking on your door in the first offense to pissing in your lawn in the second offense, I hate to imagine what the third offense would be.

  9. Alex Rogahn says:

    We have a little corner round our house and to be honest we might as well have a sign saying “public toilet: Humans and Animals welcome” and to the guy above I think the third offense would be taking a dump.

  10. Mat says:

    No way man, don’t give him a third chance – the guy clearly has something wrong in him to do what he did, seeing as your gate was CLOSED. Ring up the company and give ’em hell!

  11. MikeDivergent says:

    Ha! I would have gone out and pissed with him like in Herald and Kumar…

  12. Wasim says:

    OK, now that’s disgusting. Lovely website by the way.

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