Archive for March, 2006

New Design

Thursday, March 30th, 2006

I’ve upgraded my WordPress version and I’m playing around with some new designs and templates. Basically I can’t make up my frigging mind. I found something I really liked and then it didn’t work right. Then I switched to this format and I sort of like it, but not as much, and now comments aren’t as integrated as I’d like them to be (but still there). I had to do all kinds of crap to get this one working and change a lot of the tagging in the actual posts to get this to work, so we’re going to have to stick with it for maybe a week or two until I get the time to find something really really nice. Thanks for bearing with me.

Here are some things you could do while bearing with me:

  1. Learn Chinese
  2. Listen to the last few Security Now! podcasts with Steve Gibson which are about cryptography and totally fascinating
  3. Split peas
  4. Draw a maze and mail it to a random person in the phone book
  5. Go camping on a river where you will write a letter to a past significant other and burn it
  6. Sniff glue
  7. Don’t look at any kind of screen for 24 hours
  8. Trim your pubes
  9. Go play a really nice guitar at a music store

Healthier Animals

Thursday, March 30th, 2006

From the New York Times:

A group of university researchers in the United States announced Sunday that they had created what sounds like a nutritional holy grail: cloned pigs that make their own omega-3 fatty acids, potentially leading to bacon and pork chops that might help your heart.


Here are some other animals that should be made to be healthier:

  1. Cows
  2. Chickens
  3. Lambs
  4. Avocados
  5. Children

Brain Cancer

Wednesday, March 29th, 2006

In a recent blood test, my doctor told me I’m showing an abnormal level of some kind of hormone that may be related to a malignant tumor in my pituitary gland (which is in your brain I guess). I don’t know for sure yet though, so no cause for alarm. I figure I’ve had a good run anyway, so I’ll probably try to do something heavily charitable in the case of my demise.

Here are some worse ways to go:

  1. Sharks eating you from below
  2. Tyrannasaurus-Rex eats you while you are taking at shit in an outhouse
  3. Tiny metal molecules in your blood are pulled from your body by giant magnet
  4. Your head hits a chair while falling down in a boxing ring, coach has to pull plug after months of immobility
  5. Arnold Schwarzenegger is holding you off a cliff by your ankle and lets go
  6. Giant underground worms sense the vibrations of your footsteps and surface to eat you
  7. Chief of crazy underground tribe removes your heart with his bear hands while you are trapped in a bamboo cage suspended over a pit of lava
  8. Slipped in shower
  9. Beam of focused light follows you around and burns you (ants only)
  10. Were Jewish in Germany during WWII

Wedding Attire

Tuesday, March 28th, 2006

I have some friends getting married this July. I met with them last night to discuss the designing and printing of their invitations. They told me that the groomsmen are wearing black cowboy shirts and the bridesmaids are wearing black dresses. The bride and groom are wearing the same, only with more elaborate designs. The groom’s shirt is pretty bad ass (above).

So I got to thinkin’ – what are some other cool wedding attire ideas?

  1. 50’s flyboy-style with goggles
  2. Gas station jumpsuits
  3. Business Casual
  4. Leather bondage
  5. Bloody clownsuits
  6. Full plate with triple-linked chain mail coif

Non-Manly Fleshwounds

Monday, March 27th, 2006

My roomate and me cut up this giant old dead tree in our front yard this weekend. I took a break and went inside at one point and unloaded the dishwasher. While I was doing this, a glass slipped out of my hand, fell onto another glass and broke. While I was flailing trying to catch the glass, I smashed the top of my left ring finger onto a large glass shard and it cut deeply. So here I am with gauze and tape all around this huge fleshwound that I didn’t get while chainsawing a fricking tree down, but while putting glasses away.

Here are other equally lame ways to cut yourself:

  1. Poking your finger with a sewing needle
  2. Getting a paper cut while collating envelopes
  3. Snagging a loose screw on a washing machine
  4. Slicing your finger while portioning your quiche
  5. Deeply into your wrists with an exacto blade in a freshly drawn tub of hot water

Value Judgements on Games

Sunday, March 26th, 2006

I learned to play Backgammon this weekend and ended up playing about 50 games in all. It’s a super fun game that I would recommend to anyone. I find myself playing a lot of games recently to pass the time.

Here are my value judgments on some games:

  1. Checkers: I like that its strategy based and doesn’t rely on chance. It’s kind of childish though and I don’t like the tension in the beginning of the game. One dumb move in checkers often has extreme game-turning consequences which isn’t my style. D
  2. Cribbage: It’s easy to learn and the games go fast. There is strategy that isn’t hard to pick up on, but could take a lot of time to master. A
  3. Backgammon: All kinds of strategy ranging from playing it safe to balls out action. Dice rolling is fun. Betting is involved. The board looks cool. A
  4. Chess: Complicated. Beginning players will be crushed by even advanced beginners. A lot of pretentiousness involved. Nerdy. C
  5. Euchre: Medium-level learning curve. Fun for bigger groups of people. Goes good with drinking and smoking and talking shit. Lots of strategy ranging up to very advanced play. Opportunities for big moments. A
  6. Su-Do-Ku: Really only one player. Attempts at making it a family game are lame. Really entertaining and easy way to kill 15 minutes. Always solvable with persistence. Improvement in skill level comes quickly. A
  7. Crossword puzzles: Too much reliance on obscure knowledge. Often unsolvable without cheating or research. Some pretentiousness involved. Can be fun if you get on a roll. Makes you feel stupid when you only know 2 answers on entire puzzle. C
  8. Minesweeper: Can be fun, but one mis-click on the mouse can really screw you. Sometimes you are forced to make a random decision which is bullshit. C
  9. Point and drink: All fun, all the time. A

Life’s little pleasures

Thursday, March 23rd, 2006

Sometimes it’s enough to just enjoy life’s little pleasures.

Here are a few:

  1. Pissing into a flushing urnial
  2. Being the only car at a four-way stop
  3. Syncronizing folders over FTP
  4. Q-Tippin’ your ears
  5. Freebasing

Oh my god, make it stop.

Thursday, March 23rd, 2006

It’s always something isn’t it?

Here are some things it could be:

  1. They are just doing a little cutting next door
  2. Road closures turning daily commute of 5 miles into 15 miles
  3. Knee hurts
  4. Just because parents march there every year doesn’t mean you have to (Penguins only)
  5. Accidentally bought fat-free cream cheese
  6. Facing murder charges despite legally killing repeatedly warned trespassing child
  7. Game not as fun as commercials made it out to be
  8. Brain scanned
  9. Can’t figure out how to get Server-Side includes flipping working
  10. Life goals routinely not met

Things I would pay $100 for

Wednesday, March 22nd, 2006

Look at that Mo-Fo. This isn’t a one-time deal either, you can get one at Moma Lena’s pizza in PA for a hundred bucks any day of the week. Believe-you-me, I’d order the shit out of that pizza tonight if it was around here.

Here are some other things I would pay $100 for:

  1. A hamburger the size of my coffee table
  2. A gyro the size of my lawnmower
  3. A blueberry pie the size of your mom

I’ve had it with these snakes!

Tuesday, March 21st, 2006

Man oh man.

There has been some funny shit going on lately:

  1. South Park’s War on Scientology
  2. Snakes on a Plane trailer
  3. Hire B-List Actors to Call People With Personal Greetings

Celebrity Causes

Thursday, March 16th, 2006

I read this Reuters article on Yahoo! news this morning:

The blond star of the film “The Dukes of Hazzard” still plans to visit Washington on Thursday to lobby members of Congress on behalf of Operation Smile, a non-profit venture offering free plastic surgery for disadvantaged children overseas with facial deformities.

Allow me to rephrase: American sex symbol seeks to put children worldwide “under the knife” in an attempt raise international standard of beauty. “It’s just like my mama used to say, It’s what’s on the outside that counts” Jessica recounts.

I’m picturing tiny malnourished African children with big fake “Jack Nicholson in Batman” smiles permanently sewn onto their faces.

Here are some other likely celebrity causes:

  1. Arnold Schwarzenegger, the leader of “No Hummer, Bummer”, a worldwide organization providing free Hummers to discrimination-riddled oil company CEO’s
  2. Jim Carrey, teaches teenagers displaced by Hurricane Katrina improv comedy in his organization “Just Laugh it Off”
  3. Sting teaches Arab couples tantric love techniques to help save marriages and relieve stress in his organization “Stop Terror Where It Starts (by fucking for 31 hours straight)”

Tech Podcasts I like:

Wednesday, March 15th, 2006

I’m buying into this “podcasting phenomenon”. It’s mostly crap, but I’ve cobbled together a healthy list of subscriptions that I find informative, entertaining, and enjoyable.

Here are my favorites:

  1. This Week in Tech
  2. Buzz Out Loud
  3. eMacCast
  4. Security Now!
  5. Inside Mac
  6. Inside the Net
  7. Daily Giz Wiz
  8. 2 Minute Photoshop Tricks
  9. Daily GizWiz
  10. KFI Tech Guy

For the record, I can’t stand Diggnation. I listen to some non-tech podcasts too: The Official LOST podcast, The Onion Radio News, Ebert & Roper Reviews for the Weekend, Podictionary, and the Woodsongs Old Time Radio Hour. I’m not completely into the video podcasts since I can’t do that at work or in the car, but I do manage to watch a few like MacBreak and CommandN.

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