Cor Blimey! It’s always something isn’t it?
Here are some things it could be:
- Screwed up the first number on your daily Su-Do-Ku puzzle
- Can’t keep flies off face in last seconds of life
- Got outbid at last second on sweet new 50″ plasma
- Over-the-counter dandruff shampoo isn’t cutting it
- Didn’t cut deep enough
- Made whole batch of angel hair pasta and garlic alfredo sauce before realizing you HATE alfredo sauce
- Can’t decide whether to to eat the mermaid flesh for a chance at immortality, since it might turn you into a hideous monster
- Sick of all your CD’s
- Had to kill yourself so Goldie would be safe
- Can’t think of anything to blog about so have to go back to working
solutions
1. fuck Su-Do-Ku, stick to crosswords. we’re in the last gasps of an
American dominated global culture, let’s enjoy it while we can.
2. hardcore anti dandruff shampoo is available through your local doctor, look into it. Flies hate antidandruff shampoo.
3. console yourself with the 48 inch plasma in your living room
4. see 2.
5. yeah, that’ll happen the first couple of times. I recommend some early times and some not-being-a-pussy. Also, it’s good to remember that it’s down the road, not across the street.
6. use the alfredo sauce to lure the flies in, providing you with a flieless face and a protein rich meal.
7. don’t be a pussy, eat the flesh. either way it will be something new for you and it will help you take your mind off all your shitty cds.
8. Luckily this isn’t 1994 and music is free to all, especially if you can use your grandfather computer to avoid any potential backlash from the riaa
9. seriously though, he so didn’t have to kill himself to keep goldie safe. Like goldie would be any less safe if he was drinking himself to death in vegas with a prostitute with a heart of gold. unless of course Goldie was said prostitute.
10. work, yeah. you got me there.