Archive for February, 2006

Technical Difficulties

Tuesday, February 28th, 2006

I drove up to Pardeeville High School this morning to be a guest speaker in some business class about web design and to give the kids some information about how you can go about actually publishing a web site you design on the internet.

Here is a list of things that went wrong:

  1. After quickly figuring out how the projector worked and hooking up my laptop, which worked perfectly, I couldn’t seem to get myself on their network. This killed about two-thirds of my presentation.
  2. After giving up and hooking up the normal projector computer, many of the websites I wanted to show them were blocked, including the administration panels of my own websites, which I think they would have found interesting.
  3. I used the rest of the time meandering between subjects as unrelated as what bandwidth is and how CSS works.
  4. I accidentally swore a couple of times.

Well, I guess if anybody learned anything, it was worth it. At least I got the morning off of work.

Undermining Christian Beliefs

Monday, February 27th, 2006

Dan Brown, the author of the uber-popular novel ‘The DaVinci Code’ is being sued in Britian by Random House for allegedly taking material for his book from a non-fiction book, The Holy Blood and the Holy Grail. This is, of course, stirring up all old controversy that ‘The DaVinci Code’ is anti-Christian and…blahblahblah, “undermines core Christian beliefs.” Fucking crazy Christians. The book reads like an action-packed thrill-ride super-adventure. Oh yeah, and it’s a FICTION novel.

If they are going to be pissed off about this, here is a list of other stuff you should be pissed off about:

  1. Arnold Schwarzenegger for starring in End of Days which glorifies Satan.
  2. The creators of Monty Python and the Holy Grail for suggesting that angels play horn instruments of their assholes.
  3. NBC for having a sitcom about a preacher who talks to God for guidance. Oops! They already are pissed about that, and pressured NBC to can the show, which they did.

My Weekend

Sunday, February 26th, 2006

4 things I did this weekend, in order:

  1. Drank a 67oz. Margarita
  2. Laid on couch and watched 3 movies
  3. Drank many glasses of cheap scotch
  4. Laid on couch and watched 3 movies

Falling Asleep

Friday, February 24th, 2006

3 Things you can do right before bed that will make it hard to fall asleep:

  1. Take a diet pill
  2. Think about your future
  3. Read the newspaper

Priceless

Thursday, February 23rd, 2006

6 Photoshop tools that are also sexual inuendos:

  1. Pointer
  2. Hand Tool
  3. Pencil Tool
  4. Magic Wand
  5. Measure Tool
  6. Lasso Tool

Which is worse…

Thursday, February 23rd, 2006

…being a smoker, or being fat?

Here are the facts:

  1. Fat people are jolly, smokers are grumpy. However, fat people have deep-rooted depression based on their self-image. Smokers have glorious self-image. No points.
  2. Fat people will die of a heart attack. Smokers will die of lung cancer. No points.
  3. Fat people can’t run because they can’t breathe. Smokers can’t run because they can’t breathe. No points.
  4. There are more old smokers than old fat people, thus, smokers live longer. One point smokers.
  5. Smokers have shitty teeth from the tar in ciggarettes. Fat people have shitty teeth from the sugar in Cola. No points.
  6. Smokers houses smell like ashtrays. Fat peoples houses smell like delicious pies. One point fat people.
  7. Fat people never get laid. Smokers get laid all the time. One point smokers.
  8. To curb boredom, fat people eat. Smokers curb boredom by smoking. No points.
  9. You may be discriminated against for being fat or for being a smoker. No points.
  10. Smoking is expensive. So is eating three meals a day from fast food restaurants. No points.

So there you have it folks. 2 points smokers, 1 point fat people. Smoking is better than being fat. Of course, being both is horrible, don’t do that.

Doesn’t Have Much To Do With Firewalls

Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006

Being fresh out of unwatched Netflix DVD’s and in need of some entertainment, I went to the theater to see Firewall last night. Despite there being some questionable tech(*) and having nothing to do with firewalls, it was a satisfying action-thriller. Mary Lynn Rajskub played the secretary in all her I’m-kinda-hot-in-an-Emily-Watson-kinda-way glory.

Here are some things that I learned:

  1. Harrison Ford has a great screen presence but always plays the same role in his movies, which limits my willingness to call him a ‘good actor’.
  2. Tuesday night at 7:15pm in February is a great time to go see a movie
  3. If there is a team of bad guys with guns holding you hostage, who have killed one of their own to prove they are serious, it is still possible to get a relaxed good nights sleep.
  4. I’m so lame that even formulaic Hollywood bread & butter films like this, that I’ve seen a hundred times over in different forms, still please me.

*Harrison Ford used the scanner head from a cheap fax machine connected directly to a pink iPod Mini to capture account numbers from a scrolling computer screen.

Vending Machines

Monday, February 20th, 2006

Maybe someday.

10 Things I Wish I Could Buy Out Of A Vending Machine:

<ol>

    <li>Cocktails</li>
    <li>Boxer-Briefs</li>
    <li>Crack</li>
    <li>Smack</li>
    <li>Ink Cartridges</li>
    <li>Respect</li>
    <li>Haggis</li>
    <li>Strawberry Fuck Your Mother*</li>
    <li>Love</li>
    <li>Revenge</li>

</ol>

Commonly known as discontinued Fruitopia Strawberry Passion Awareness.

List-o-Lists

Sunday, February 19th, 2006

Here are some great lists I read this week:

  1. Top ten reasons Geeks make good fathers.
  2. Activities That Might Prove More Practical Than Cleaning My Gas Mask Once a Month as the Army Suggests.
  3. Must-have OS X Software

Other awesome things:

  1. Office Slang
  2. Chuck Norris Facts
  3. That Valentine Heart over there

Funniest Chuck Norris Fact Ever:

“Crop circles are Chuck Norris’ way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.”

TUH-365

Saturday, February 18th, 2006

It’s always something, isn’t it?

Here are some things it could be:

  1. Just when you thought Winter’s grasp was loosening, you wake up to a 4-foot snow drift on your door step
  2. You met her, talked to her, got her all the way back to your house, but you just couldn’t seal the deal, could you? You pussy.
  3. Deal went down (Never should have let it)
  4. Murder investigators find eyelash you left behind, threatening your life long goal of space travel
  5. Entire body mass slowly losing moisture, which pools on top of you (sour cream only)
  6. Tired

Meme?

Thursday, February 16th, 2006

Netflix Fan tagged me with something called meme. Works out pretty well, I suppose, since it’s kind of a list deal anyway.

Four jobs I’ve had:

  1. Pizza Delivery Driver
  2. Prepress Technition
  3. Data Managment Manager
  4. Graphic Designer

Four movies I can watch over and over:

  1. The Big Lebowski
  2. Serenity
  3. Shawn of the Dead
  4. The Godfather

Four TV shows I love to watch:

  1. The Shield
  2. Futurama
  3. Six Feet Under
  4. LOST

Four places I’ve been on vacation:

  1. Up North
  2. Out West
  3. Down South
  4. Over East

Four favorite dishes:

  1. Pizza Time
  2. Rice N Beans
  3. Spaghetti O’s
  4. Plate-O-Super Pretzels

Four Websites I visit daily:

  1. Lifehacker
  2. Overheard in New York
  3. Fresh Arrival
  4. TV Squad

Four places I’d rather be:

  1. At Home
  2. In Bed
  3. Under Covers
  4. Asleep

Four bloggers I’m tagging:

I’m a little shy to be doing any tagging.

And for a little more of stuff I don’t quite understand: brrreeeport

The Following Statements Are Facts: Part Duex

Wednesday, February 15th, 2006

Just so you know.

  1. Clowns can be scary, annoying, or awkward, but never funny
  2. No matter how old you get, your body hair is still your responsibility and if you choose to get naked in public facilities, it should be properly managed
  3. The Confederate flag was never the Confederate flag
  4. The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald is a terrible bar song
  5. If you practiced throwing a penny into a bucket ten feet away 3 times a day for 25 years you would be very good at it. If you pee into a toilet zero feet away 3 times a day for 25 years you still sometimes pee all over the seat
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