February 2006


Technical Difficulties

I drove up to Pardeeville High School this morning to be a guest speaker in some business class about web design and to give the kids some information about how you can go about actually publishing a web site you design on the internet. Here is a list of things that went wrong: After quickly […]

Undermining Christian Beliefs

Dan Brown, the author of the uber-popular novel ‘The DaVinci Code’ is being sued in Britian by Random House for allegedly taking material for his book from a non-fiction book, The Holy Blood and the Holy Grail. This is, of course, stirring up all old controversy that ‘The DaVinci Code’ is anti-Christian and…blahblahblah, “undermines core […]

My Weekend

4 things I did this weekend, in order: Drank a 67oz. Margarita Laid on couch and watched 3 movies Drank many glasses of cheap scotch Laid on couch and watched 3 movies

Falling Asleep

3 Things you can do right before bed that will make it hard to fall asleep: Take a diet pill Think about your future Read the newspaper


6 Photoshop tools that are also sexual inuendos: Pointer Hand Tool Pencil Tool Magic Wand Measure Tool Lasso Tool

Which is worse…

…being a smoker, or being fat? Here are the facts: Fat people are jolly, smokers are grumpy. However, fat people have deep-rooted depression based on their self-image. Smokers have glorious self-image. No points. Fat people will die of a heart attack. Smokers will die of lung cancer. No points. Fat people can’t run because they […]

Doesn’t Have Much To Do With Firewalls

Being fresh out of unwatched Netflix DVD’s and in need of some entertainment, I went to the theater to see Firewall last night. Despite there being some questionable tech(*) and having nothing to do with firewalls, it was a satisfying action-thriller. Mary Lynn Rajskub played the secretary in all her I’m-kinda-hot-in-an-Emily-Watson-kinda-way glory. Here are some […]

Vending Machines

Maybe someday. 10 Things I Wish I Could Buy Out Of A Vending Machine: <ol> <li>Cocktails</li> <li>Boxer-Briefs</li> <li>Crack</li> <li>Smack</li> <li>Ink Cartridges</li> <li>Respect</li> <li>Haggis</li> <li>Strawberry Fuck Your Mother*</li> <li>Love</li> <li>Revenge</li> </ol> Commonly known as discontinued Fruitopia Strawberry Passion Awareness.


Here are some great lists I read this week: Top ten reasons Geeks make good fathers. Activities That Might Prove More Practical Than Cleaning My Gas Mask Once a Month as the Army Suggests. Must-have OS X Software Other awesome things: Office Slang Chuck Norris Facts That Valentine Heart over there Funniest Chuck Norris Fact […]


It’s always something, isn’t it? Here are some things it could be: Just when you thought Winter’s grasp was loosening, you wake up to a 4-foot snow drift on your door step You met her, talked to her, got her all the way back to your house, but you just couldn’t seal the deal, could […]

The Following Statements Are Facts: Part Duex

Just so you know. Clowns can be scary, annoying, or awkward, but never funny No matter how old you get, your body hair is still your responsibility and if you choose to get naked in public facilities, it should be properly managed The Confederate flag was never the Confederate flag The Wreck of the Edmund […]

Justin Adjusted

If you have a friend named Justin, he may be tired of hearing “Justin Case” or “Justin Time”. Here are some new Justin words for you: Are you feeling Justinsecure? After a night of drinking we were Justininebriated I’m not hemorrhaging, I’m Justinternal bleeding What road do you take to La Crosse? Justinterstate 90 The quality of this food is Justinferior This […]

Love me some TV

God I’m lonely. <h3>Here is a list of TV shows that I have seen every single episode of:</h3> <ol> <li>The Sopranos</li> <li>The Shield</li> <li>Six Feet Under</li> <li>The Simpsons</li> <li>Futurama</li> <li>King of the Hill</li> <li>Northern Exposure</li> <li>Firefly</li> <li>Battlestar Galactica</li> <li>LOST</li> <li>South Park</li> <li>Aqua Teen Hunger Force</li> <li>Sealab 2021</li> <li>Mission Hill</li> <li>Home Movies</li> <li>Seinfeld</li> <li>Good Eats</li> <li>Harvey […]

Prerequisites for Adulthood

It’s not easy growing up. Here are some of the pre-reqs: Have installed or have been present at the installation of a water heater Realize that embarrassment is for schoolboys and politicians Don’t talk for the sake of talking Own something worth $10,000 or more Have worked at over 8 jobs

Fake Suicide Epidemic

Circumstatially based on some pictures I have seen lately, it seems there is an epidemic of fake suicide going around lately. Here is the evidence: <ol> <li>The picture on the left</li> <li>The other picture on the left</li> </ol>

Soggy = Gross

Here is a list of breakfast foods that are soggy: Soggy = Gross Do you know what that leaves me for breakfast choices? Cereal (as long as it doesn’t sit in the milk too long) and bacon. I’m down with cereal and bacon, but not all the time. Screw breakfast, I’m a lunch man.

Lazy locals disappointed at lazily constructed lazy river

Locals in Whitewater, WI were disappointed to discover that the recently unveiled lazy river at the Aquatic Center was constructed rather lazily. “The track is only maybe 15 feet in full circumference,” a heartbroken 280 lb man explained. “I can reach all the way around both bends if I stick my feet and arms out.” […]

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