I was just at my local Subway. There was an old man who I felt something was “off” with the moment I walked in there. He was vigorously eating his sandwich, and staring at people. At one point he got up and moved tables randomly.
Ten minutes later he cut in line and demanded a water cup. A few minutes later he moved tables again and started arguing with the employees. At first the employees were calm (I’m sure they are used to this). Then the guy started with serious insults and racism. I really like the employees there so I stood up and faced the situation in case something even crazier were to happen I could help.
It just went on and on and on. They seemed like they were making some progress in getting him out of the store, and I couldn’t take much more so I left.
This kind of thing I’m sure happens in every single store on every single street corner in a city like Chicago. It’s nothing new. But my own emotional reaction to it always feels fresh an intense. It goes like this:
- I feel the person causing problems should be thrown to the ground and beaten until hospitalized.
- I feel guilty for ever thinking such a thing, and realize the person has serious mental problem and needs help and caring not violence
Repeat.
I keep finding ways to feel mad again instead of sympathetic and I go back to #1. I sure wouldn’t make a great social worker.
I can so relate to this situation. I live in Cape Town where there are a fair deal of beggars.
One can’t help everyone, and while I try to help out 1 person every day, sometimes someone with a mental problem (or a drinking one) really gets on my nerves.
I always say “no, but good luck” politely twice, but when the guy starts insisting, I can be quite rude.
And then I feel really bad.
I feel your pain, I go through the same thing all the time.
There should be some kind of label to put on people so they are just embarrassed into being quiet and leaving everyone alone. Is that still horrible or a decent compromise between violence and helping? Eh, still horrible I guess.
Max – I give you a lot of respect for trying to help a person a day. That’s something we should all be trying to do.
I would opt for #1 ;)
Joking aside I think #1 and #2 are typical human emotions to certain situations, you flick between the 2, then call it a tie and don’t bother doing either! (well I do anyway! lol)
There was a comedian who said he was in stand-still traffic one day in New York City. A guy behind him starts honking his horn and yelling at him to move forward. The cars in front of the comedian weren’t going anywhere, but the guy in back was honking at HIM to move! So, the comedian gets out of his car, walks back to the guy, and the guy says “get going!” So the comedian says to the guy, “Yeah, well, you’re wearing my jacket! When are you going to give me back my jacket?” The guy looks at him with this scared look in his eyes, thinking the comedian is crazy. MORAL: Sometimes, to get a crazy person to get off your back, you have to appear to be crazier than anyone he/she has ever seen.
What you need is a healthy dose of behind the counter customer service work that requires dealing with all kinds of weirdos and you’ll become immune to stuff like this in no time.
I see that all the time in downtown San Diego, probably not as much as Chicago but still similar. Subway is good. :: Five :: Five Dollar :: Five Dollar Foot Long ::
Nice article in web design magazine BTW, it was a great read… kind of short though.
I can really associate with this kind of guilt, especially when someone asks me a stupid question – defined as something I’ve answered for them multiple times before – and I find it utterly impossible to just smile and answer it again. For the sake of my career, not to mention reputation as a generally nice person, I should do exactly that, but it’s just. so. hard. The best I can manage is a half-smile, half-grimace, and a comment along the lines of, “Remember the last time we talked about this?”
I can relate to the feeling you processed in your situation. Our sub-concious mind is tricky, and some times confusing, such mix emotions are something only we humans experience… For what I can tell even the better diplomat in the world would feel rush, anger and frustation under external pressure, the question is: how well can you turn it around and deal with it? It takes some personal maturity to be able to see these situations for what they really are in the end, and it’s a never-ending lesson you can follow your entire life :)
Cheers!
Compassion. Always. Wins.
Most rage and disgust you ever feel comes from inside you, so you own it first. Yeah, some external things are downright sucky and too hard to digest sometimes. But not as much as you think. Most people automatically revert to hatred and anger – it’s the default for our lazy selfish culture with generalized malcontention that they can’t even identify the source of in the first place. Only you can stop it, if you’re strong enough.