Guns save life

Driving the East-West interstate across Illinois into Indiana is quite the introduction to the Bible Belt. There is a slew of hilarious Jesus billboards and a lot of pro-gun signs. The signs usually tell some kind of short story and then end with “Guns save life.”

There are are three ways to interpret this:

  1. Multiple guns have saved one life. True. I’m sure there are plenty of examples of multiple guns saving one life. I’m not sure where they are going with this. Unless they mean something else…
  2. Guns in general have saved more lives than than they have taken (“save life”). False. This has me a bit confused. It would be my estimate that since the invention of the gun, millions upon millions of people have been killed by them. Compare that to how many people have fended off an attacker with a gun and I’m thinking the scale tilts slightly toward the mass graves of war.
  3. Guns are currently saving life as we know it. False. Since you can’t eat them, or sleep underneath them, or have sex with them (hmmmmm). I think we’ll do okay without them.

I even like guns, I just hate crazy right-wing patriot assholes.

2 responses to “Guns save life”

  1. zervas says:

    pitty, you almost get it right every time. but not quite

    1. ok, this seems resonable
    2. See, here it really depends on what you mean by “save life”. Sure, in the physical realm more people die from gun violence then are save by gun unviolence but that’s pretty trivial. Think about all the priest who were shot at a young age and therefore didn’t have time to sit around at think about how much they want some hot young boy meat. For every priest that was shot before he turned thirty you have saved 75% of a soul, which is like eternal life or something. Granted it’s only a 4:3 ratio as some priests start their duties early on. By my estimation 25% of priests are into kids before they join the church, where as 50% turn to boys due to the teachings of the church while the remaining 25% have been fucking women all along or have chopped off their own penises.

    3. again, close but no cigar. this wording has long been used to drag us into war and it’s actually very clever. Guns are indeed saving life as we know it. Life as I know it includes random killings and thugs with guns. It’s not needed for life per se, but for life “as I know it”; fuck yeah. Much as we go to war “to preserve our way of life” (you know, being lazy jingoist assholes) we need guns to keep life as we know it. If going to war is part of our way of life then going to war is needed to preserve that way of life. We can’t, as Americans, admit that our way of life is faulty and attempt to change it or the terrorist win. Hell, if we didn’t allow life to continue as we know it we’d wouldn’t have murders or breast cancer or a piss poor health care system.
      Plus, you try having sex without holding a gun to your lover’s head while she tells you that you’re better than tony soprano. If you know another way to get off then I’m all ears.

    I’m also not anti gun, I received my first gun at the age of 7. I also injured myself with said gun less than an hour after receiving it. I guess that’s fine though as all my family members sharing my father’s name have been killed in hunting “accidents” by relatives. The scales constantly teeter back and forth between my love for my father and my craving for venison.

  2. chriscoyier says:
    1. If you interpret “Guns save life.” as “Guns save life as we know it.” You are right. But then again you could replace “Guns” with any noun in our language and it holds up just the same way.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.