In my latest stay at Hilton Head Health, one of the things that stuck with me is the idea of focusing on what is going well. It came at me in two different ways.
One was the concept of gratitude. Surely you are familiar with that word and what it means. But it’s also a bit of a movement (if you will) in healthy living circles. Books like this and articles like this give it life. I took a class on gratitude when I was there and heard from several people who said practicing gratitude was transformative for them. It’s simple: spending some time thinking about what is going well in your life and things you are grateful for. Perhaps even write them down.
The other way it came at me was through a physical training session. I learned earlier in the week that my swimming skills left something to be desired. I thought I had decent swimming skills but after taking a group class doing laps and being the worst in the class (of generally out-of-shape people) I learned otherwise. So I signed up to take a personal training session to learn how to swim properly.
There are dozens of little things to learn about swimming, even just the standard front crawl. For instance: get good goggles so you can see underwater which increases your comfort and confidence. Head down. Rotate your whole torso when taking a breath. Take the breath as you pull your arm back and create that pocket of air as your arm goes by. Keep your legs from falling down into the water with a stiff(ish) body. Kick your legs from the hip not the knees. Pull your hands all the way back to get a complete stroke. Keep your fingers together to cup the water. Any many more.
At some point all those things will fall into place and you’ll do them naturally without thinking. I would imagine, anyway. I’m not there yet. I need to consciously think about them to swim well. I often fail to get some most of them right and that gets frustrating.
After a poorly-swam and frustrating lap, my trainer would tell me “what went right on that lap?” What went right?! All I can think about is what went wrong. But I started to get it after a while. Focusing on what went right is far more useful. It keeps you from reveling in frustration. It helps cement a foundation to build from. It’s not just being clever or Captain Obnoxiously Positive, it’s just more effective.
I suspect this attitude of consciously focusing on what is going well is good not just for swimming lessons but every aspect of life. I intend to keep it up.
Agreed. Developers and development teams can also learn from that professionally. There is so much that can, and does, go wrong with the authoring of software that it can be easy to drift into a swamp of misery and frustration – especially true in a team environment. Focusing on the positives as a team is really important and transforming.
Thanks Chris. I needed this today.
Its so true. I thought about this yesterday when watch a dutch TV show. It featured a handicapped girl and an non-handicapped spoiled girl. The latter helped out the first to see what its like to be handicapped.
During the show I realised how happy i should be im in good health. The non-handicapped girl got a job while filming the show and was extremely happy about it (and she should be), and then I realised I should be happy I should be that I got a good job.
There’s always something to complain about, but you should take some time to realise what you got and what’s right, instead of what you don’t have, or whats wrong.
Hi Chris,
Thanks for sharing this experience and funnily enough, I recently sort of encountered this myself.
I had a bad day at work and suddenly it hit me: I really, really dislike the way I deal with things that go wrong and it obscures all the things that go right.
It was more of a personal disappointment (“did I really become this bitter guy?”) and I think those are the most eye-opening. It lets you see that it’s _you_ and not someone else who’s reacting a certain way, so only _you_ can change it.
Nobody’s perfect, which means you’ll make mistakes, but there’s so much that you do right. You just don’t notice it because it’s natural to you. Focussing on those things lets you see two things: 1. all the things you’re good at (usually a lot!). 2. by knowing what you did right, you can correct things that went wrong more effectively.
Just wanted to pitch in. Have a great day!
Reinier.
Awesome post, Chris!
It’s funny that I can see all the stuff you are awesome at – Shoptalk, CSS tricks, Codepen – and not think about how swimming and overall fitness could be something you have to work hard at.
Being thankful for the good things I already have makes me excited to achieve more great things in the future.
Loved these posts, keep em up!
Hi Chris,
Good read, one to which as many, I can easily relate. It’s far too easy to focus on what didn’t go right and it’s difficult to change that. I also believe that it’s something you have to keep exercising to achieve a more positive mindset, and as such I’ve decided to purchase the book you linked to and hopefully it’ll kickstart me. Any other reads that you’d personally recommend?
Hey Chris,
Glad to hear you’re picking up some new skills. I’ve been doing a bit of that as well. Weightlifting, actually. Anyway, one thing I’ve been thinking about a lot lately is Stoicism which goes a bit beyond the gratitude attitude, or a step further outside. I think it might be up your alley. One of my favorite blogs these days had a great post that explains it pretty well. I see it as basically creating an intellectual distance from your experiences so that you might evaluate them for their inherent value, rather than your basic emotional response, negative or positive. So in your swimming analogy, I would take an equal look at what I was doing right, and wrong, and see if there is anything I can mine from how I came to do parts right and apply those discoveries or new skills to something I am doing wrong, without any emotion attached to right/wrong. The Stoic mindset is great. It is a powerful place to reside.
I hope you enjoy this post:
http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2011/10/02/what-is-stoicism-and-how-can-it-turn-your-life-to-solid-gold/
I have read this blog in it’s entirety and it has been a life-changer.
I had no idea this was a movement of sorts. Thanks for this post, Chris! I recently started using a really simple iOS app called Grateful (https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/grateful-what-are-you-grateful/id758059884) that you might find useful. Every day it asks you what you were grateful for that day. That’s it. You can’t go back if you miss a day or anything and there’s just that one question to answer. It’s simplistic and a little odd, but I’m finding it makes me remember more of my days than just the usual “worked, ate, whatnot” and pull out smaller details that I can smile about right before bed. It’s sort of the “what went right?” for your every day.
How perfect! Heading out to tennis right now – and my game has been suffering lately because of issues with back pain and balance. Think I’ll use this approach today on the court – and then when I come back and do some writing. ;-)
Mary