Archive for the ‘Blather’ Category

The Right Tool For The Job

Friday, May 19th, 2006


I’m preparing for my camping trip over the next week and in doing this, I have stumbled upon an interesting conflict. I’ve always been a proponent of the theory that you should always use the right tool for the job. If you need to cut a straight line on a peice of paper, you had damn well better use an exacto knife and a cork-bottom stainless steel ruler. If I catch you sitting on the couch holding the paper in mid-air hacking at it with a scissors, you’re going to hear about it.

Camping is nothing but an orgy of problem-solving scenarios, but you can’t pack up your entire garage and take it with you, hence, the conflict. You are forced to improvise and use tools that may not be designed for the task at hand. But maybe because of the circumstance, using your pocket knife to slice peppers (a blasphemous choice at home) becomes the right tool for the job.

Important camping tools and their uses:

  1. Axe: serious wood cutting, removing branch debreis, pounding in stakes
  2. Pocket Blade (most important tool of all): cutting rope, food preperation, tick removal
  3. Large Ziplock Bags: food storage, ice packs, keeping socks dry
  4. Tarps: under and over tents, shade lean-tos, keeping firewood dry
  5. Duct Tape: repairs, waterproofing
  6. Garbage Bags: waste removal, rain jackets
  7. Rope: hanging lanterns, repairs, lean-to construction

Shopping list for murderer:

  1. Axe
  2. Pocket Blade
  3. Large Ziplock Bags
  4. Tarps
  5. Duct Tape
  6. Garbage Bags
  7. Rope

You shouldn’t not do it you ain’t gonna not do it right.

Things To Do

Wednesday, May 17th, 2006

My Dream To-Do List:


    <li>Book flight to Alaska</li>
    <li>Order MacBook</li>
    <li>See doctor about candle wax burns on chest</li>
    <li>Respond to fan mail</li>
    <li>Call theater about opening day private screening of Snakes on a Plane</li>
    <li>Get back to Steve Jobs about disc golf saturday</li>
    <li>Restring my 1949 Martin D-28</li>


<h3>My Actual To-Do List:</h3>

    <li>Put ad in paper in hopeless attempt to find third roomate</li>
    <li>Try to get out of 2-Year Dish Network contract</li>
    <li>Try to get out of 1-Year TiVO contract</li>
    <li>Return box of Civil War books and CD's to friend's dad</li>
    <li>Mow front yard</li>
    <li>Refill allergy medications</li>
    <li>Try to get through another day</li>

Thinking Bigger

Wednesday, May 17th, 2006

Wow. That’s one big ass artichoke.

<h3>What else should be bigger?</h3>


    <li><a href="" target="_blank">The B.I.G. Reward</a></li>
    <li><a href="[email protected]/2692259/" target="_blank">Hamburgers</a></li>
    <li>Christopher Walken's role in Wedding Crashers</li>
    <li>My savings account</li>
    <li><a href="" target="_blank">Your TV</a></li>
    <li>The Average Sized Lebowski</li>
    <li><a href="" target="_blank">Old Crow's Popularity</a></li>


Stuff On Cats

Saturday, May 13th, 2006

I’ve been enjoying Stuff On My Cat since way back in the day when there was one picture on the whole site which was a cat some office supplies all over it. The site has really grown since then, into a blog structure with sometimes hundreds of comments a post. I think the pictures of cats dressed up in cute little cat clothes are super lame, but once and a while there are some pretty priceless pics.

Funny things to put on cats:

  1. A Cheeseburger
  2. Constructs
  3. Data
  4. Remote Controls
  5. Post-It Notes

Milk, Eggs, Vodka

Friday, May 12th, 2006

Boing Boing recently featured a site that collects grocery lists and posts them for the world to see. They have a book coming out soon, ala the name of this post. Grocery lists really epitomize the beauty of the list.

Amazing Grocery Lists:

  1. Milk, Ketchup, Supper Cheese
  2. Tomato, 7-Up, Lemonade, Munchies, Coke, 7-Up
  3. Go To Kentucky, Underwer, lemon
  4. Eggs, Bread, Whatever else you might want
  5. Gin, Candy for work

Hillbilly Similies

Tuesday, May 9th, 2006

Priceless Hillbilly Similies:


    <li>Houseboat no porch like pancakes no syrup</li>
    <li>Man no gun like pork-a-pine no spikes</li>
    <li>Music no banjo like painting no paint</li>
    <li>Man no legs like truck no wheels</li>
    <li>Woman no pregnant like a bank no money</li>
    <li>Brother's son's cousin like a son's grandpa's neice</li>


Hyphenated Qualities that I Like in People

Monday, May 8th, 2006

  1. Self-Entertaining
  2. Drama-Free
  3. Extremely-Creative
  4. Anti-Smalltalk
  5. Open-Minded
  6. Non-Rude
  7. Oft-Bathed
  8. Face-Painted

Teddy Bear Gun

Friday, May 5th, 2006

What do you get when you replace ammo with love? The answer isn’t as “hippie-power” as you might imagine, it’s this super awesome teddy bear gun from… somewhere in Asia.

What else are we shooting out of guns?

  1. Self-doubt
  2. Sierra Soft Point Boat Tails
  3. Potatoes
  4. Our son’s childhood

Things That Are Too Expensive

Thursday, May 4th, 2006

Things that are too expensive:


    <li> Car Repairs </li>
    <li> .Mac </li>
    <li> Dual-Layer DVDs </li>
    <li> Ringtones </li>
    <li> <a href="">Weddings</a> </li>
    <li> Health Insurance </li>
    <li> Not Having Health Insurance </li>


What else is too expensive?

For All Your Scent-Related Needs

Thursday, May 4th, 2006

Dementer Fragrance has some crazy colognes/perfumes for sale.

Now the Demeter Fragrance Library is making history of its own, with Demeter’s wearable version of the Chocolate Chip Cookie. Demeter’s Chocolate Chip is a combination of light and dark chocolate, freshly baked but not too doughy. All of the flavor, none of the calories!

Think that’s weird?

I figure if they are willing to go this far, they might as well go all the way and do Santorum, Tire Factory, and Infant Mortality.

Check out some of their other scents:

  1. Gin & Tonic
  2. Pink Lemonade
  3. Play-Doh
  4. Pipe Tobacco
  5. Lobster
  6. New Zealand
  7. Paint Drying
  8. Grass Growing
  9. Cannabis Flower
  10. Bon Fire
  11. Between The Sheets

Ghetto Fabulous

Tuesday, May 2nd, 2006

I’m fascinated by the idea of Ghetto Fabulous – where poor ghetto bangers get rich and then spend their money on things they consider fancy or exotic. Only their conception of what is fancy and exotic is sometimes very very strange based on the isolation of the ghetto community. Fake gold teeth is a quintessential example – something well known to be a symbol of wealth being used for something most people would consider absurd.

Things that are hilariously Ghetto Fabulous:

  1. Glowing Blue Toilet Seats
  2. Driving an Escalade to your slum-land apartment
  3. Mink Fur Bathroom Rugs
  4. Diamond Studded Steering Wheels
  5. Designer Track Suits

Graves Mountain

Tuesday, May 2nd, 2006

I got my tickets and information from Graves Mountain yesterday. Graves Mountain holds a bluegrass festival every year that I attend and always have a great time.

Reasons why Graves Mountain is so great:

  1. Located in a beautiful valley in the Blue Ridge mountains
  2. Extremely friendly staff who do their best to make sure you have a good time
  3. Everyone has a refreshing old-time simple country attitude
  4. Round-the-clock impromptu jams in the campground with talented musicians
  5. Country Ham sandwiches are available at the little corner grocery store
  6. Ten bucks for all the wood you can fit in your trunk
  7. The beautiful cold mountain rivers
  8. The interactivity between stage musicians and the audience
  9. Moonshine
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