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The Right Tool For The Job

Friday, May 19th, 2006


I’m preparing for my camping trip over the next week and in doing this, I have stumbled upon an interesting conflict. I’ve always been a proponent of the theory that you should always use the right tool for the job. If you need to cut a straight line on a peice of paper, you had damn well better use an exacto knife and a cork-bottom stainless steel ruler. If I catch you sitting on the couch holding the paper in mid-air hacking at it with a scissors, you’re going to hear about it.

Camping is nothing but an orgy of problem-solving scenarios, but you can’t pack up your entire garage and take it with you, hence, the conflict. You are forced to improvise and use tools that may not be designed for the task at hand. But maybe because of the circumstance, using your pocket knife to slice peppers (a blasphemous choice at home) becomes the right tool for the job.

Important camping tools and their uses:

  1. Axe: serious wood cutting, removing branch debreis, pounding in stakes
  2. Pocket Blade (most important tool of all): cutting rope, food preperation, tick removal
  3. Large Ziplock Bags: food storage, ice packs, keeping socks dry
  4. Tarps: under and over tents, shade lean-tos, keeping firewood dry
  5. Duct Tape: repairs, waterproofing
  6. Garbage Bags: waste removal, rain jackets
  7. Rope: hanging lanterns, repairs, lean-to construction

Shopping list for murderer:

  1. Axe
  2. Pocket Blade
  3. Large Ziplock Bags
  4. Tarps
  5. Duct Tape
  6. Garbage Bags
  7. Rope

You shouldn’t not do it you ain’t gonna not do it right.

Things To Do

Wednesday, May 17th, 2006

My Dream To-Do List:


    <li>Book flight to Alaska</li>
    <li>Order MacBook</li>
    <li>See doctor about candle wax burns on chest</li>
    <li>Respond to fan mail</li>
    <li>Call theater about opening day private screening of Snakes on a Plane</li>
    <li>Get back to Steve Jobs about disc golf saturday</li>
    <li>Restring my 1949 Martin D-28</li>


<h3>My Actual To-Do List:</h3>

    <li>Put ad in paper in hopeless attempt to find third roomate</li>
    <li>Try to get out of 2-Year Dish Network contract</li>
    <li>Try to get out of 1-Year TiVO contract</li>
    <li>Return box of Civil War books and CD's to friend's dad</li>
    <li>Mow front yard</li>
    <li>Refill allergy medications</li>
    <li>Try to get through another day</li>

Thinking Bigger

Wednesday, May 17th, 2006

Wow. That’s one big ass artichoke.

<h3>What else should be bigger?</h3>


    <li><a href="" target="_blank">The B.I.G. Reward</a></li>
    <li><a href="[email protected]/2692259/" target="_blank">Hamburgers</a></li>
    <li>Christopher Walken's role in Wedding Crashers</li>
    <li>My savings account</li>
    <li><a href="" target="_blank">Your TV</a></li>
    <li>The Average Sized Lebowski</li>
    <li><a href="" target="_blank">Old Crow's Popularity</a></li>


Stuff On Cats

Saturday, May 13th, 2006

I’ve been enjoying Stuff On My Cat since way back in the day when there was one picture on the whole site which was a cat some office supplies all over it. The site has really grown since then, into a blog structure with sometimes hundreds of comments a post. I think the pictures of cats dressed up in cute little cat clothes are super lame, but once and a while there are some pretty priceless pics.

<h3>Funny things to put on cats:</h3>


            <li><a href="" target="_blank">A Cheeseburger</a></li>
            <li><a href="" target="_blank">Constructs</a></li>
            <li><a href="" target="_blank">Data</a></li>
            <li><a href="" target="_blank">Remote Controls</a></li>
            <li><a href="" target="_blank">Post-It Notes</a></li>


Milk, Eggs, Vodka

Friday, May 12th, 2006

Boing Boing recently featured a site that collects grocery lists and posts them for the world to see. They have a book coming out soon, ala the name of this post. Grocery lists really epitomize the beauty of the list.

<h3>Amazing Grocery Lists:</h3>


    <li><a href="" target="_blank">Milk, Ketchup, <s>Supper</s> Cheese</a></li>

    <li><a href="" target="_blank">Tomato, 7-Up, Lemonade, Munchies, Coke, 7-Up</a></li>
  • Go To Kentucky, Underwer, lemon
  • Eggs, Bread, Whatever else you might want
  • Gin, Candy for work
  • Lawn Care Innuendos

    Wednesday, May 10th, 2006

    Lawn Care Innuendos:

        <li>I'd mow her grass.</li>
        <li>I'd trim her hedges.</li>
        <li>I'd rake her lawn.</li>
        <li>I'd weed her garden.</li>
        <li>I'd fertalize her yard.</li>
        <li>I'd prepare her for the winter.</li>
        <li>I'd roll in the clippings with her.</li>

    Hillbilly Similies

    Tuesday, May 9th, 2006

    Priceless Hillbilly Similies:

        <li>Houseboat no porch like pancakes no syrup</li>
        <li>Man no gun like pork-a-pine no spikes</li>
        <li>Music no banjo like painting no paint</li>
        <li>Man no legs like truck no wheels</li>
        <li>Woman no pregnant like a bank no money</li>
        <li>Brother's son's cousin like a son's grandpa's neice</li>

    Hypenated Qualities

    Monday, May 8th, 2006

    Hypenated Qualities that I like in people:

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