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Archive for the ‘Always Something’ Category

[Annoyed Grunt]

Monday, May 1st, 2006

It’s always something, isn’t it? Here are some things it could be:

<ol>

    <li>Turns out "cat paths" actually decreased value of home</li>
    <li>Girl's Math Class not challenging enough</li>
    <li>Fucking razor blades fucking expensive</li>
    <li>Desire for fulfilling, rewarding, and encompassing career unrealized</li>
    <li>Patience waning</li>
    <li>Pimple on ass</li>
    <li>Saw Sales Professional for details</li>
    <li>Once cool RAZR is now available in super gross pink and light purple</li>

</ol>

Oh my god, make it stop.

Thursday, March 23rd, 2006

It’s always something isn’t it?

Here are some things it could be:

  1. They are just doing a little cutting next door
  2. Road closures turning daily commute of 5 miles into 15 miles
  3. Knee hurts
  4. Just because parents march there every year doesn’t mean you have to (Penguins only)
  5. Accidentally bought fat-free cream cheese
  6. Facing murder charges despite legally killing repeatedly warned trespassing child
  7. Game not as fun as commercials made it out to be
  8. Brain scanned
  9. Can’t figure out how to get Server-Side includes flipping working
  10. Life goals routinely not met

Dang Nabit

Thursday, March 2nd, 2006

It’s always something, isn’t it?

Here are some things it could be:

  1. Wish could afford the new Intel Mac Mini, but cannot
  2. Landslide of mud has destroyed home, which was also made from mud
  3. New all-vegetable diet wreaking havoc on digestive system
  4. Lost to Canada in final game of Wheelchair Rugby Olympics
  5. Top 10 things on Netflix Queue have a ‘Long Wait’
  6. Barely known own father, who has now become only ally as a double agent trying to bring down world wide murderous organization
  7. Favorite pen dangerously low on ink
  8. Watched mother get murdered as a child (Cute animated deer only)
  9. Keep forgetting to make follow-up doctor appointment
  10. Writing on hand stays on hand for embarrassingly long time with no-soap lifestyle

TUH-365

Saturday, February 18th, 2006

It’s always something, isn’t it?

Here are some things it could be:

  1. Just when you thought Winter’s grasp was loosening, you wake up to a 4-foot snow drift on your door step
  2. You met her, talked to her, got her all the way back to your house, but you just couldn’t seal the deal, could you? You pussy.
  3. Deal went down (Never should have let it)
  4. Murder investigators find eyelash you left behind, threatening your life long goal of space travel
  5. Entire body mass slowly losing moisture, which pools on top of you (sour cream only)
  6. Tired

Lazy locals disappointed at lazily constructed lazy river

Sunday, February 5th, 2006

Locals in Whitewater, WI were disappointed to discover that the recently unveiled lazy river at the Aquatic Center was constructed rather lazily. “The track is only maybe 15 feet in full circumference,” a heartbroken 280 lb man explained. “I can reach all the way around both bends if I stick my feet and arms out.” The pool also has a dangerous water intake, which requires constant lifeguard attention.

Other things locals disappointed in:

<ol>

    <li>Quarter raise in rail drink prices last year</li>
    <li>Crispness of pickles on Wendy's Big Bacon Classic</li>
    <li>Lot in life</li>

</ol>

( outraged scream )

Thursday, February 2nd, 2006

Fricking Fracking Razzle Tazzle. It’s always something isn’t it?

Here are 10 things it could be:

  1. Even the T1 at work is too suck-slow for doing your taxes.
  2. Found human ear in walk through industrial park.
  3. Upon launching personal investigation, got sucked into bizarre love triangle involving huffing helium, punching, and gratuitous use of the word ‘fuck’.
  4. Last time gave blood got big bruise, have to give blood at 1:10pm today.
  5. Only the second day in to the worst of all months.
  6. Chili too thick.
  7. Old partner, now working for a different department, needs bailing out AGAIN.
  8. Running for dear life from closing-fast cheetah (Gazelles only).
  9. Do-It-Yourself Lemon/Lime Vodka way too nut-clenchingly sour.
  10. Scared of own inevitable death.

We’re here today to talk about printing costs

Thursday, January 26th, 2006

One hour of my workday yesterday was spent NOT in a meeting. I thought I was going crazy. I even went to the exact same meeting twice in a row. When you are trapped in a boring meeting, you can always space out, but it’s nicer to get a good daydream going.

Here is some quality daydream material:

  1. How you can convert that useless change into some foldin’ money
  2. Who you would punch if you were famous.
  3. What the hell was Charlie’s problem stealing Claire’s baby like that.
  4. Some new stuff to throw on the Netflix Queue.
  5. How you can possibly keep a book open with just one hand.
  6. If anyone out there shares your same crazy fetish.
  7. What other non-functional yarn-art you could churn out.

For pissing in the wind!

Tuesday, January 24th, 2006

It’s always something isn’t it?

Here are some things it could be:

  1. Have a stank snatch. (via Black Glenn)
  2. Haven’t gotten W2 from shitty unorganized pizza company you worked for in Jan. ’05
  3. House doesn’t smell enough like fresh laundry. (via Lifehacker)
  4. Just bought RAZR V3c, and found out V3x is coming and is way cooler.
  5. Wife stole seven grand from your secret storage locker and gave it to her mom, who is now blackmailing you for three more.
  6. Stargate SG-1 just won’t die.
  7. The worst day ever formula ([W + (D-d)] x TQ) รท (M x NA) has calculated today to be the worst day ever.
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