How Useful

“The Benchwarmer” Reviews by Professional Movie Reviewers:

<ol>

    <li>"...the best jokes are in the trailer, and the rest involve nose picking, vomiting, spitting and farting." <em>-E! Online</em></li>
    <li>"...not terrible, not terrible at all." <em>-James Parker, Boston Globe</em></li>
    <li>"...pitiful excuse for a movie..." <em>-Lou Lumenick, New York Post</em></li>
    <li>"...a movie with a nice number of laughs and an encouraging message." <em>-Pete Croatto, filmcritic.com</em></li>

</ol>

4 responses to “How Useful”

  1. Zervas says:
    1. A movie not worth the time to bittorrent. I like most of the actors in this movie, IMDB liked david spade so much he’s credit twice. Anyway, Napoleon (who made a bad career move playing a similar character) is a paper boy that can’t throw but doesn’t get fired or anything. David spade is a video store dork and Rob “I’ll be in any movie where I become something else” Schneider is the tough guy. I am not kidding, no cgi, no camera tricks just ordinary rob schneider and we’re supposed to think he’s tough. Anyway, they play a bunch of brat little league teams 3 on 9 in this tournament and learn to love again or something equally as lame. It really really really sucked. But that’s not why I disliked it, I mean I just spent the last weekend watching 9 hours of Red Dwarf, I kind of like things that suck.

    I didn’t like it because it was very offensive to the agoraphobic. Granted, unlike any other group with a medical illness, agoraphobics aren’t going to get all up in your face about it and start a lobying group or anything. By nature those who are afraid of the outside and others aren’t politically strong. Groups like the gays, breast cancer whiners and Jews are very effective at politcal lobying and gathering sympathy/support the agoraphobics aren’t.

    So, Spade’s brother (nick swardson, who’s a funny bastard) was living in a closet and he wouldn’t come out and blah blah blah. Then all of a sudden they were like “don’t be a pussy” or something like that and he was all of a sudden not a pussy. It doesn’t work that way. Just because your mind works one way doesn’t mean that everybody else does too. Things like depression and agoraphobia are real problems that fuck up peoples lives. People who have those problems aren’t doing it to piss you off and “sucking it up” is not valid medical advice. It’s similar to telling your kid not to be gay or not to have cancer. We do have a no turning jewish rule in my house, but that’s another story.

    -zervas

  2. chriscoyier says:

    “Not worth bittorrenting” should be a new acronymn for things that suck. NWB. Reminds me of that rap group. Only instead of Niggas With Attitude it’ll be Nerds With Bittorrets.

  3. Zervas says:

    Not a bad idea. Since bittorrent is so useful, easy and free; something has to be pretty bad to not use it. It really gets the idea across. After posting here I e-mailed Nick Swardson and explained to him why his role pissed me off. I basically like complaining to people in hopes of free t-shirts.
    Well I’m off to the may day protests. Not that I support illegal foreign nationals, or an open southern border but I have to be pretty against a protest not to join in. They’re just a good time. Plus my great grandfather was an illegal so maybe I can think up a good slogan to put on a sign.

  4. Zervas says:

    I don’t really know why but I e-mailed Nick Swardson after I wrote the review to express my concerns about his role. For the record he e-mailed me back and was pretty cool about everything. He figured out that since I’m agoraphobic I probably downloaded the movie. Which I did, so I guess I shouldn’t be bitching about the film in the first place.

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