Archive for April, 2006

How Useful

Sunday, April 30th, 2006

“The Benchwarmer” Reviews by Professional Movie Reviewers:

<ol>

    <li>"...the best jokes are in the trailer, and the rest involve nose picking, vomiting, spitting and farting." <em>-E! Online</em></li>
    <li>"...not terrible, not terrible at all." <em>-James Parker, Boston Globe</em></li>
    <li>"...pitiful excuse for a movie..." <em>-Lou Lumenick, New York Post</em></li>
    <li>"...a movie with a nice number of laughs and an encouraging message." <em>-Pete Croatto, filmcritic.com</em></li>

</ol>

You Think You Know Me, Google?

Saturday, April 29th, 2006

Text from Google Ads in my open gmail window right now:

<ol>

    <li>Learn the "Secret Psychology" To Getting A Man Hooked For Good</li>
    <li>Howard Stern is giving away free Sirius radios. Limited Supply.</li>
    <li>Get a powerful plan for restoring your relationship with your ex. $24</li>
    <li>Get Your Ex Back With Four Simple Secrets Which Always Work!</li>

</ol>

B4BY N4M35

Friday, April 28th, 2006

Awesome Baby Names For Tech Nerds:

<ol>

    <li>Metadata</li>
    <li>Prson</li>
    <li>4d4m</li>
    <li>Dell</li>
    <li>subpage.php</li>
    <li>Darth</li>
    <li>Gary</li>

</ol>

The Magical Fruit

Friday, April 28th, 2006

A recent article on BBC News reports that scientists have developed a method of creating “super-nutritious but flatulence-free beans”.

Beans are a cheap and key source of nutrition especially in the developing world, but many people are thought to be put off by anti-social side-effects.

That puts a funny/tragic picture in my mind of one of those people living next to a dirty river in a little shack made out of trash with flies buzzing around their head refusing to eat beans because it will make them fart.

I love beans. Rice N Beans is one my my mainstays and favorite dishes. If they can keep this up, we won’t have to worry so much about the declining quality of fruits and vegetables.

Best kinds of beans:

<ol>

    <li>Black</li>
    <li>Kidney</li>
    <li>Green</li>
    <li>Baked</li>
    <li>Jelly</li>
    <li>Magical</li>

</ol>

All Seeing Screen

Thursday, April 27th, 2006

I read in a Slashdot article yesterday that Apple has patented the concept of a display that is capable of taking pictures as well as displaying them.

The clever idea is to insert thousands of microscopic image sensors in-between the liquid crystal display cells in the screen. Each sensor captures its own small image, but software stitches these together to create a single, larger picture.

I think that sounds like a pretty neat idea, but the only applications of its use I have heard is for teleconferencing and to save space in cellphones / PDAs. Sure seems like a lot of trouble just to avoid a tiny little camera at the top of your screen.

How else might this technology be used?

<ol>

    <li>To spy on employees</li>
    <li>To take upskirt photos at those restaurants with TVs in the floor</li>
    <li>To sell at an insane markup and make mad profitz</li>
    <li>To allow Apple to record everything you ever do and <a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/node/47468">sell it back to you for $1.99</a></li>

</ol>

Seen at the MAKEfair

Wednesday, April 26th, 2006

Wow. What is that?

<ol>

    <li>It's a bike</li>
    <li>It's a broom</li>
    <li>It's a broombike</li>
    <li>It's <a href="http://chrislists.net/?p=168">fucking awesome</a></li>

</ol>

Matrimonial Moneysaving

Wednesday, April 26th, 2006

Weddings are seriously expensive. You could always go to Vegas, but even that involves airfare. Besides I always thought that was kind of cheating.

Here are some ways you could save money:

<ol>

    <li>Have your wedding cake be a pile of ding dongs</li>
    <li>Skip the booze, have the bar serve joints and orange soda</li>
    <li>Wear <a href="http://chrislists.net/?p=114">cowboy shirts</a> instead of expensive tuxes</li>
    <li>Start a bullshit "wedding consultant" business so you can write the whole thing off</li>
    <li>Not get married</li>

</ol>

What are the hep cats spoutin’?

Tuesday, April 25th, 2006

A thread over at Ask MetaFilter is enlightening folks on current slang.

As a Gen-Xer, I usually find myself pseudo-ironically using “rad” or “awesome” whenever I think something is totally killer. When a friend asked what word college students use now-a-days, I had to admit that I’m officially an out of touch old fogey. I know “cool” has spanned decades of continued usage, but what are the real generation-defining phrases of today’s 18-year-olds?

<h3>Best New Slang Alternatives to "Cool":</h3>

<ol>

    <li>Book</li>
    <li>Moist</li>
    <li>Official</li>
    <li>Shiny</li>
    <li>Key</li>
    <li>Bloody Uber</li>
    <li>Unstoppable</li>
    <li>Toxic</li>
    <li>Capital</li>

</ol>

My personal favorite: Fucking Awesome

Farmer John

Tuesday, April 25th, 2006

In the break room at work yesterday someone had laid out some movie coupons. Good for three days only, the coupons could be used to see a movie at any Marcus theater for only $3.00. This is an interesting marketing technique by theaters to get movie patrons to come back – as long as they do it quickly. I used the opportunity to see a documentary film The Real Dirt on Farmer John. Long story short: Inspirational and educational film about the plight of farmers and the pain that can come from being different. Of all of the many emotions I avoid, and there are a lot of them, inspiration is near the top of the list. I hate being inspired, all it does is make you feel worse when you inevitably don’t do whatever it was you were inspired to do in the first place.

Here are some other things I learned:

<ol>

    <li>Being a farmer is completely impractical unless you can come up with some brand new innovative business model which will allow you to squeak by, pending no major disasters</li>
    <li>If someone has a lisp they are only very, very likely to be gay</li>
    <li>Organic Vegetables are delicious, healthier to eat, and better for the earth. However, they are a pain in the ass to grow which makes them unreliable and expensive</li>
    <li>Just because a vegetable is organic doesn't mean its not genetically modified</li>
    <li>Hippies definition of creativity and personal expression is so cute</li>
    <li>If people accuse you of being a devil worshiping cult leader who kills children, clearing your name should be one of your top priorities. At the very least, adamantly denying it would probably help. Assuming, you know, that you aren't a devil worshiping cult leader that kills children</li>
</ol>

Two Thumbs Down

Monday, April 24th, 2006

Netflix has recently undergone a website redesign, adding some functional and aesthetic changes. Among them, an annoying AJAXy way of adding movies to your queue, improved “friends” functionality, and better integration for buying DVD’s. I’m not sure if you could do this before, but now I’ve been shown you can see the top 25 movies in any particular major city or zip code, instead of just the normal Netflix Top 100.

Top Four Movies from Wichita Falls, Texas

  1. Raising Helen
  2. Yours, Mine and Ours
  3. Beauty Shop
  4. Herbie: Fully Loaded

No wonder I never want to go there.

Queens Makes For Interesting Lists

Monday, April 24th, 2006

Zervas emails to point out an interesting list of facts about Queen Elizabeth. The Queen turned 80 on April 21st.

Interesting things pertaining to Queen Elizabeth:

  1. A statute from 1324, at the time of the reign of King Edward II, states that: β€œAlso the King shall have … whales and sturgeons taken in the sea or elsewhere within the realm.” This statute is still valid today, and sturgeons, porpoises, whales and dolphins are recognised as “Fishes Royal”
  2. In 2003 she sat for the first and only hologram portrait.
  3. The Queen has received many unusual gifts including a variety of live animals… Among them jaguars and sloths from Brazil, and two black beavers from Canada. There have also been gifts of pineapples, eggs, a box of snail shells, a grove of maple trees and 7kg of prawns
  4. Elizabeth also introduced a new breed of dog known as the “dorgi”
  5. She sent her first email in 1976 from a British Army base
  6. She sent a message of congratulations to Apollo 11 astronauts for the first moon landing on July 21, 1969 . The message was micro-filmed and deposited on the moon in a metal container

$12k Just for Smug? Nah.

Sunday, April 23rd, 2006

The Hybrid Accord is in danger of being pulled from the Honda lineup since customers are not impressed with what little the car has to offer. The hybrid boasts MPG ratings of 25/34, nearly identical to the automatic version at 24/34 and actually less than the manual transmission model at 26/34. But but but, the hybrid offers slightly improved acceleration and a neat little hybrid logo on the back bumper so everyone knows how Earth conscious you are. With the Hybrid Accord coming in at an average of twelve grand more than the non-hybrid models, its no wonder consumers are avoiding the car.

<h3>What else are consumers avoiding recently?</h3>

<ol>

    <li>Blue VD Vodka</li>
    <li><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gizmondo">Gizmondo</a></li>
    <li>Buy Nothing Day</li>
    <li>non-iPod MP3 Players</li>
    <li>Reduced Fat Peanut Butter</li>
    <li>Education, Sobriety, Rationality, Patience</li>

</ol>
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