December 2005



Going to the DMV is the worst thing ever. I’ve gone three times this week and aborted all three times, once because the line was way too long, once because it wasn’t open yet, and once because the projected wait was over an hour and a had a friend with me. By not having the […]

Moving Office

Tommorow is moving day at the office. It should be a pretty nice upgrade. Here are some things that make for a good office: Privacy. No half-wall bullshit where you have to see your co-worker every time either one of you stand up. Screen angle. When someone walks into your office, it’s best if your […]

Crazy Spam

I am starting to miss the old days of normal spam. No longer is my junk mailbox filled with ways to make my penis longer, places to get cheap viagra, and horny farm animals looking to please. Here are the subject lines from six junk emails I got today: ????????????(?) ¥þ°ê³Ì«K©yAV¼v¤ù¨C¤ù¤£¨ì10¤¸ ¡½¡½±ÄÁÊ®w¦s¹q¤l¹s¥ó¡½¡½ ¡» ­t¶Å«ü¼Æ¤Ó°ª¶Ü? Åý§Ú­Ì­°§C±zªºµh­W«ü¼Æ¡»¡»¡» […]


It sure was nice to have Monday off this week. Here are some other days that would be sweet to have off: Today Tommorow Thursday Friday Next Monday The Rest Of My Life

Chrislist Eve

Happy Festivus, and Merry Chrislist Eve! And now for the airing of the grievances: I am disappointed with TiVo for dropping the ball so intensely on not having a stand alone HD DVR and not supporting OS X Tiger. Do they not realize that a lot of their original customer base are nerds and like […]

Always Something

For crying in the wind, it’s always something isn’t it? Here are some things it might be: Have gone to store three times and forgot to buy soap three times Lost favorite kick ass Firefly shirt Fucking burn won’t just heal Eaten alive by millions of ants (South America only) Have to kill big dumb […]


I play in a local band. We’ve been playing together for years and years, and as an official band for a little less than one year. When we don’t have a steady gig, we just take whatever comes along assuming it is convenient for everyone and we’ve covered all the bases. What are the bases? […]


There are a lot of folks out there with HDTV’s. Of course, we HD advocates want to watch as much content as we can at sweet, sweet HD resolutions. But even our once-fancy Progressive Scan DVD Player only outputs at 480p. What’s a boy to do? Upconvert, that’s what. A totally decent upconverting DVD player […]

Harnessing Energy

Inventor Peter Hughes has created a brilliant new energy source. A metal ramp that when pushed down by passing cars, creates electricity. The ramp is silent, comfortable and safe for vehicles,” Mr. Hughes said. Here are some other ways to harness untapped energy sources: Bore into center of Earth, use molton core to power steam […]

King Kong

I went to go see King Kong last night. I was a little tired to begin with, so the first hour or so was putting me right to sleep, but not to fret, almost the entire last two-thirds of the movie is high-power actionriffic. There was even a completely gratuitous scene in this rocky valley […]


I saw the Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, & The Wardrobe last night. I found it entirely enjoyable. Here are some things that I learned: Even after 100 years of winter, there are only about 6 inches of fresh powder Little English Girls are cute Older English Girls are cute You can become […]


It’s snowing like mad outside, and it’s about 5:15, which means the traffic is at it’s worst. Last week Thursday it snowed like this and it took me 40 minutes to get home where it usually takes about 10. Plus, I found out earlier that our tank of Natural Gas at home has run out, […]

Secret Santa

We are doing a Secret Santa gift exchange here at the office, like every other office in the Christmas-celebrating world. Here are some ideas for things NOT to get your secret-santee: a puppy a stolen bike deodorant condoms a crack pipe candles nothing

Gary Busey

5 Titles for a Children’s Book adaptation of a movie starring Gary Busey where he is the sole survivor of a plane crash in the arctic: Gary Goes to Bear Cave Gary Gets Blue Fingers Gary and the Long White Sleep Gary’s Last Adventure Gary Learns a Lesson


If you like small talk, the dentist office is the place for you. Light musings about the weather, the holidays, and the squirrels outside the window are everywhere. If you are like me, you find small talk difficult and sometimes painful. Here are some conversation starters you can use with your dental hygienist instead of […]


I have a friend who was delegated the task of interviewing people this week whom they “already knew they weren’t going to hire.” That’s a strange position to be in for him, and unfortunate for the candidates. Here are 4 questions that he could ask that might get the signal across: “Tell me a little […]

Always Something

Man, oh, man. It’s always something, isn’t it? Here are some things it might be: Dead car battery Tarantula bite on big toe Storm blocking Dish Network connection Took a couple in the shoulder Perp not talking He doesn’t love you anymore New owners going all corporate on you Born a small tortise, being attacked […]

Arrested Development

There are a lot of shows on FOX that are complete CRAP. They are responsible, once and a while, for some pretty good programming, but then, of course, they cancel it before it can grow. Shows that should be canceled instead of Arrested Development: Stacked The War at Home Trading Spouses Hell’s Kitchen FOX News

Winter Storms

Today, National Weather Service forecaster Thomas Spriggs talked about big winter storm system sweeping the Nation. If it merges with another system off the Virginia coast “It actually will be quite a doozy of a snowstorm,” Spriggs said. Here are some ways National Weather Service forecaster Thomas Spriggs could have (but didn’t) end that sentence: […]

White Trash Couples

If they’s gone do it – they’s may as well doit right. 5 Perfect White Trash couples names: Germy & Bridget Everett & Everette T-Bone & Razberry Earl & Shawna Snake & Sapphire

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